22. Letting Go

A huge part of journeying well in a wilderness is learning how to navigate change and transition, and a huge part of navigating change is learning to let go. I came across a quote recently which spoke into this: “The beautiful journey of today can only begin when we learn to let go of yesterday.”

At face value that can appear quite simplistic and even obvious. However, it’s true, nevertheless. The only way we can enjoy the beauty of what today has to offer is by letting go of yesterday and all that happened, both good and bad, and looking upon today with fresh eyes. The very act of letting go of yesterday requires trust, because we have no idea what tomorrow holds. The ability to ‘let go and move on’ is important if we are to journey well and not get stuck in one place during our wilderness travels.

A very significant change took place in my life during 2012, when I went through a time of letting go. I had been heavily involved in a particular area of ministry at my local church for decades, but found myself having to step down from that ministry, because the church leaders had brought in a new leader and they wanted them to have a clean slate to start with.

I agreed with what they were proposing and willingly stepped down, naively presuming that I would get involved in that area again within a month or so, helping the new leader. Wrong. Weeks and then months went by as I watched other people being asked to do what I felt I was called to do, and church became an incredibly painful place for me. All sorts of emotions and thoughts started to come to the surface as a deep insecurity which I had never realised was there, began to be exposed.

Letting go isn’t a ‘one off’ deal. It’s not a case of, ‘Okay, I’ve let this go, now let’s move on’. I wish it were that easy, but it isn’t. You have to keep working at it. Each time the negative emotions surface, you have to say the words, ‘Father, I let this go, and I choose to hold onto YOU instead.’

At first, all I wanted to do was be involved in that area, and I had to fight hard to keep my thoughts pure and not let a root of bitterness grow in the soil of my heart. But gradually, as the weeks and months went by, I began to come to terms with what I had lost. I learnt how to grieve and let go. I realised that grieving is not only important when a death takes place, but also for any kind of significant loss that we experience.

Before I stepped down from that ministry my life had been very busy (too busy, in retrospect) and all of a sudden I found myself with a lot more time on my hands and not so much stuff to ‘do’. I had been involved in that area of ministry since the age of 15 – nearly 35 years – and Holy Spirit showed me that my identity had become intrinsically entrenched in the ministry I did, rather than who I was as a child of God. I had been busy ‘doing’ for so long that to suddenly find myself in a place of just ‘being’ was quite scary for me; I felt lost and very insignificant.

The scripture that Father gave me for that season, which was my absolute lifeline, was Psalm 31:19-20.

“Oh, how great is Your goodness which You have laid up for those

who fear You, which You have prepared for those who trust in You in

the presence of the sons of men!  You shall hide them in the secret

place of Your presence away from the plots of man; You shall keep

them secretly in a pavilion from the strife of tongues”.

I hugged this scripture close to my heart for the duration of those long months; it became my lifeline, my hope and my anchor. I realised over the course of time that Father wasn’t hiding from me, but he was actually hiding me in the secret place of His presence – with Him. He was with me, in the hiddenness. It was like a secret rendezvous where lovers share intimate moments.

Not only that, but He showed me that He was ‘keeping me from the strife of tongues’. Because I was not involved in active ministry for that season, I was actually being shielded from some of the difficult ‘ripple effects’ of the changes that were taking place. I was oblivious, ignorant of the ‘church politics’ that were taking place at that time. Sometimes ignorance is bliss!

That time of letting go was a significant season in my life, and the fruits of it were incredible. My relationship with God went to a much, much deeper level. The insecurities that had been lurking beneath the surface were dealt with, slowly and surely (and painfully!) and my identity shifted from being performance-based to being relationship-based.

After many, many months, the new leader of that ministry asked me if I would like to come back and serve in that area again. A few months before, I would have jumped at that opportunity but I realised to my astonishment that I didn’t want to go back into that area of ministry. I knew it wasn’t where I was supposed to be any more. A shift had happened. Change had a taken place.

Father is so, so good. In His kindness, once I had truly embraced the necessary changes and let go, He led me into a whole new arena of ministry which I thrived in, and which I still love, to this day.

Letting go.

So painful … but so worth it!

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Until next time ….

Ask Jesus to show you if there are any areas in your life (relationships, work, church involvement…) that you are holding onto tightly, and which you may need to let go of.

If there are some, offer them up to Him. Ask Him to help you let go.

Sometimes, doing a physical act (often called a prophetic act) can be helpful. Imagine you are holding that area tightly in your hands. Pray and ask Jesus to help you let it go and, when you’re ready, relax your fingers, open your hands, and thrust them up into the air, as if you are setting a bird free.

You can do that as many times as you like, if it’s helpful to you.

Nicky Heymans is an author of historical fiction who is known for drawing fresh life and inspiration out of familiar Bible stories. She would love to hear from you! Please feel free to share your thoughts or ask questions by scrolling down to the bottom of this page and clicking on the 'contact' link, and she will get back to you.