44. Cultures and Values

Hi, and welcome back to the Walking through Wilderness blog series. We’re going to continue with the ‘Free to Be Me’ theme, by looking at the subject of culture.

When we lived in Zimbabwe, our family seemed fairly ‘normal’ by Zimbabwean middle-class standards. However, when we came to live in the UK, we realised fairly quickly that we didn’t fit in here the way we did there. The culture of these 2 countries are about as opposite as you could get, and we encountered first-hand the kind of unintentional rejection that can be experienced when you are different or don’t fit a certain mould.

Learning how to be at peace with who we were, whilst at the same time trying to adjust to our new surroundings, has been a big part of life here in the UK. It surprised us how quick people seem to judge other cultures. For instance, a lot of English people were dismissive of Americans (possibly because the American culture is more open and ‘in your face’) and some were quite hostile to certain European countries because of historical differences which go back hundreds of years.

We also realised that we’d done (and in some cases, were still doing) the exact same thing ourselves. As a family, our frustration with the stereotypical ‘stiff upper lip’ behavioural traits of some English people led to us criticising them, instead of seeking to understand them, just like they disapproved of some of our African cultural behaviours which they didn’t understand.

God started to speak to me about culture; British culture, African culture, American culture and, most importantly, Kingdom culture. I realised that, if we identify more closely with the culture of the nation we were born into, instead of with the culture of the Kingdom of God, that can hinder us from discovering our true identity.

What’s really important is not whether we’ve been brought up in a particular culture, but how well we embrace the culture of heaven – the culture of the Kingdom we belong to and will belong to for eternity.

Stereotypical British culture may tell you to ‘keep a stiff upper lip’ and don’t show emotion, while American culture might tell you to ‘say it as it is’ and don’t hold back. (I want to acknowledge here that those statements in themselves are stereotypes because a lot of British people don’t struggle to show emotion, and not all Americans like to get in people’s faces; however, I’m using this generalisation specifically for the purpose of this example, so please bear with me.)

What does Kingdom culture say? Kingdom culture says we are to embrace each other as brothers and sisters in Christ, to speak the truth in love, to honour one another, pray for one another and hold each other in high regard. It doesn’t therefore matter if someone is a more outspoken person who likes to hear the sound of their own voice, or if they are someone who isn’t comfortable with wearing their heart on their sleeve and prefers not to show how they feel. What matters is that, if they are part of the Kingdom of heaven, they are your brother or sister, and are to be treated as such.

If we align ourselves strongly with our ‘earthly’ or national culture, we will usually (whether intentionally or unintentionally) hold that up as the standard which we measure everything and everyone against. We may start to judge people according to how that culture does things, which means that anyone who isn’t part of that culture will naturally fall short of the standard, in our opinion.

In Kingdom culture we look to Jesus and His Word as our standard. That is the only standard or plumb line we should measure ourselves against.

Embracing the culture of the Kingdom doesn’t mean you have to reject the beneficial aspects of the earthly culture you are part of; it just means you need to submit those cultural beliefs and behaviours to the Lordship of Jesus Christ and let His culture of heaven have pre-eminence in your life. Father God has an amazing way of creating life and bringing good out of our differences, if we let him. We get to partner with Him in creating a new kingdom culture – a culture that is not African, English, American, Asian or European, but is diverse and mysterious and free.

Now there’s a challenge!

Part of the process of discovering who we are, and defining our culture, is discovering what our core values are. We live our lives by a certain set of values – things that are central to our lives and to what we believe. Sometimes we don't consciously realise that certain things are a "core value", but they shape our lives, nevertheless. Goals are about what we do, whereas core values are about who we are and what we believe.

When our eldest son returned home after spending a year at Bible School, he shared with us about how he had formed his own personal "core values". We could see how these core values had genuinely shaped his life and given him massive focus. It was as though he now knew who he was and what he believed, and there was a strength of purpose and self which had not previously been there.

It inspired me to sit down and think about what my core values are. Not my church's core values, or my work core values, or even our family's core values, but my own personal core values. What do I really, honestly believe and value in the depths of my heart? I started digging into this and, over time, I discovered my core values.

Core values are intrinsically a part of who you are, what you value and what you believe. Like the stick of rock that you can buy when you go to the seaside which has a word or pattern running right through the inside of it, core values run through the core of our being; they can’t be separated from us, they are part of who we are.

The goals we set for ourselves in life shape what we do, whereas core values help to shape who we are and how we make decisions. For instance, because one of my core values is diversity, I intentionally encourage people to be who they are, even if they feel different from everyone else, and I try not to pressurise people to be a certain way in order to fit in with me or anyone else.

Discovering your core values can take quite a while – it’s not a quick ‘think a bit and write a list’ sort of exercise, it can take months and then, when you think you’ve completed your list, more questions will rise to the surface. When you first start, it can be quite hard to think of anything. Asking yourself, ‘Okay, what do I really believe?’ is not the easiest question to answer on the spot! However, once you get going, your awareness of what you believe will grow and your core values will start to take shape as you get more clarity.

You may find that, in conversation with others or while listening to a podcast, watching a movie or reading a book, you start to ask yourself – what’s that about? Do I agree with that? Do I believe that? If you feel really strongly about something, then it’s often a sign that it is a core value in your life.

Some of my core values you may already know, because I’ve written about them in this blog series, such as my core belief that life if about how we walk each and every day, and not just about getting ‘there’. That particular value motivates me to journey well, live each day to the full and be present in the moment, and to focus on how I’m living now, not just on where I want to end up.

There are lots more core values which shape the way I live my life and how I make decisions, such as my conviction that God is totally and utterly, always good, no matter what the circumstances seem to say. Another core value of mine is my belief that there is good in everyone, which motivates me to try and find that good treasure, no matter how the person may be behaving or what I may see on the surface. Sometimes we just need to dig a little deeper and then, unexpectedly out of the blue, we see a glimmer of something that is beautiful and precious.

So, if you have never written down your core values, I’d strongly encourage you to do so. Christmas is a great time to do this, because going into the new year, it  will help you discover more fully who you are and what you really believe.  

Have a blessed Christmas!

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Until next time ….

If you haven’t already done so, make a list of your core values – what do you value in life? What do you believe is important?

If you have made a list of your core values, ask Holy Spirit if there are any more that you could add to your list, anything new that He wants to show you.

Nicky Heymans is an author of historical fiction who is known for drawing fresh life and inspiration out of familiar Bible stories. She would love to hear from you! Please feel free to share your thoughts or ask questions by scrolling down to the bottom of this page and clicking on the 'contact' link, and she will get back to you.